Hey, slut pride.  With a penchant for, well, poking everything, I’m the last person who is going to pull out a sex negative red card and eject anyone from their ‘game’. But the queer community (member, 2003) with its dichotomous focus on some lovey-fucking-dovey fairy tale of marriage and the joys of an Adam4Adam inspired bathroom stall afternoon slip and slide, is missing a key bit of the conversation.  Sex sometimes has consequences, yo. But we’ve moved beyond the point (like scientifically/medically way beyond) where we can use each other up for loads of sexy time, and then ostracize them ‘for being sick’ for having HIV.

Dude’s educate yourselves. People live normal lives and have long term non-diseasey love with serodisconcordant partners all the time [the research is widely available since the last like 6 years]. Hercules and Love Affair’s ‘I Try To Talk To You’ is an attempt to have an honest conversation–something our community hasn’t had since the 90s–about what it feels like to go from stud to patient in the eyes of everyone in the span of a blood test.

‘I Try To Talk To You’ is heartbreaking in a Hot Chip-esque way as it slinks along sombre piano melodies and forceful synths, interspersed with lyrics that feel just as violently head on with each other.  Imagine, you were part of a community (a sexy, sexy community), and then suddenly you’ve crossed some line and what’s swinging between your legs is some kind of permanently tainted meat weapon. It’s horrifying to be distanced, forced into some imaginary AIDS ward in every club and website–cut off from both elements of the community (the sexless marriage and the sex!).  But when you try to talk to people, you’re led around some hypocritical  loop of ‘logic’ about ‘learning to respect yourself’, when all you want is a caring heart.

So much to ask for. I hope songs like this courageous expose of vocalist John Grant’s experiences open up conversations in our community we desperately need to not sweep away. We can have both, but let’s learn to love each other [in all the ways] for what definitely could happen to you.

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