365 DAYS OF REHAB POP:

1 SONG/DAY TO STOP DYING/START LIVING

I’M LIVING OUT MY DREAMS,
LIKE EVERY NIGHT
I LOVE MY LIFE
BUT WHEN I OPEN UP MY BLURRY EYES,
IT’S NOT AS NICE
FUCK MY LIFE

I take an immune system medication. And it saved my life. Like it keeps the common cold from throwing me into perpetual penitentiary with my pasty, pallid, piqued face plastered on hospital sheets. Hooray. But it saved me more. It gave me dreams. I’ve always had intense nighttimes. Vivid colors explode onto cityscapes and kneecaps of individuals I’ve never met and never will again. And they have 3D personalities and backstories and motives they are emotive as fuck about. And sometimes I’m not even present, not even an omniscient narrator in my own neurons. And I know it’s not normal, but it’s not an unreality to me. But these meds, they make all that next level, next gen. And for nearly a year I lived in the novellas my neurons needlepointed into my ceredrum each night. Because I had nothing to say to the next 18 hours I needed to breathe and not die and never not have a smile so no one would ever know nothing was wrong. And I loved my nightlife. But when I opened my blurry eyes I’d, near certainly, nestle my mouth into my pillow and mutter ‘FML’. Not living, that is.

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