WE TEAR OUR DEMON, IN THE SWEET SURRENDER
I AM ALIVE AGAIN
I spent 3 years walking. In Berlin. Paris. Dubai. Mumbai. Karachi. Melbourne. Toyko. Cairo. Marrakech. Got on a plane post-work. Took to the streets at sunrise sabbath, DJ’d a set at a dive bar, and then continued trekking city streets, alone, until my plane’s wheels touched sky again Sunday. I walked until my shoes bled. I walked until I lost so much weight I didn’t recognize me. When I couldn’t see me in me at a random glance at a store window, I’d imagine my body, my existence going through all the hours of a storekeeper in Paris, a basic bitch tech worker in Mumbai, a barback in Berlin. Honest work, honest pay, a soul no one knew, no one noticed, who went home and watched TV in their apartment and wasted the seconds until their seventies caught up with them.
I was sad, I wanted to disappear. But in those walks, in music, ironically over time I started to see me in me in those store windows. And over the years I began to not run away at my sight but run towards, guided by the sounds of tracks similar to these in this 26 track mix. When you’re lost, walk until your knees give out; and take this mix to help you crawl towards the sight of you, to love you as you–even with bloody knees and ripped ankles.
PHOTO CREDIT // PEGGY GOU (EDITED BY KAVI) + PLAYLIST AT YOUTUBE //
YEAH, I TOLD MYSELF
I WOULD LOVE YOU, WHEN NO ELSE WOULD
THE FUTURE AND THE PAST ARE REALLY CONFUSING
BUT I KEEP MY FEET ON THE GROUND
TO KEEP TRYING
NO, I DON’T WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE
I DON’T NEED PURIFIED MIND
CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I’M BROKEN
BUT I NEVER GOT A REASON, SO I’M GONNA JUMP
I’M GONNA PUSH MYSELF UNTIL I GET HOSPITALISED
BOY, TELL ME WHY
HEY, IT’S ME
IT’S BEEN AWHILE
WILL WE EVER MAKE IT?
WHERE ARE WE NOW?
LOVE THE PEACE WHEN I FEEL ALONE
IT’S A PART OF ME THAT I NEVER RUN FROM
BLACK AND WHITE, PLAYING CLEAN SURROUND
FEET ON THE GROUND, BUT I HATE IT DOWN THERE
EVERY NIGHT I TAKE MYSELF
TO WHERE THE SKIES ARE BLUE
WATCHING CLOUDS FORM OVER THE DISTANCE
IT’S NOT OVER YET
I JUST WANNA TREAT YOU BETTER