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I feel like I’m the only one this doesn’t happen to. I don’t meet people and have them alter my being, course correct my path based off their sexual (and, I guess) personal auras. I move along in my path and let people, like streams around me, flow through my life. But nothing says to me ‘I should pull them down and pool them around me like still water’ or ‘Fuck, what you do to me, it makes me want to follow you like a puppy dog swimming along, barely, in the emotional current you shoot towards me.’ I’m never, as this Indiana song goes, with every heartbeat close to falling.

And I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me. I don’t have any judgments on this, in fact I revel in studying it. Romance is all academic to me. It’s one of the few life hurricanes that traverses age groups and blows into the lives of people from any era. And when it does, even the most ardent whores I admire and the most fiercely independent guerrilla guys and girls always claim ‘something just happened to them’, it just combusted them the fuck up. Suddenly they are happy being respected but subservient and moving cross country, or never getting laid out of the need to be monogamous towards a partner that lays their penis down on a bed in another country every night.   I don’t doubt as Indiana puts it, their ‘convictions’ or that they lost them for good reason; but I don’t understand the impetus towards what is supposedly some wonderful emotional fragility that songs like this open for others.

Songs like this are important to me because they are the gateway to a whole host of human emotions that are a complete fucking mystery to me. I’m not ever lonely, but I never have romantic suitors. I’ve never been asked on a date, and I’m pretty sure I sweat ‘Lone Wolf’ stank. But I like my smell. I don’t remember what it’s like, even intellectually, for someone to ‘crush’ on you. I don’t think anyone actually ever has. Not to my knowledge.  My life is simple and sweet in that regard. So, instead I sit back and try to listen to tracks like this and imagine what all those other people are doing when their hearts light on fire.

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