I’ve been spending my nights, my face aglow by the computer screen in this halfway house of sorts: the Asian internet cafe.  A whole host of degenerates and wannabees encircle me, and pass by without even a nodding glance.  Some of them plop down and force their foreheads into ferocious fantasy, others stare blankly at backdrops of ladies they wish they had the balls to have. Some of them forget they have names while in here. I know I do.  For 50 Baht ($1.50) I can get off work, buy my ticket and forget the fuck who I am for 6 hours, no bottom of the bottle required.

And I can pretend that the television that titillates my irises on these screens’ is my raison du jour for being here. I’ve got to stay connected to elements of the homeland I stripped myself from! But I can cause a Scandal in my own home, getting Revenge on my own self in front of my Vaio. I know How To Get Away With [the] Murder of my own spirit if I damn well want to sink into this depression in some glorious fashion. But like Sailor & I sings on ‘Elysium’, “I just want to make you feel alone again’.

And being by myself, that’s not loneliness: that’s a whole deluge of conversations awaiting to happen. I know myself too much to run away from words that ‘I don’t want to hear’, those words fumbling out my mouth at first sight of my bedroom are predictable.  And this time, I think the darkness I have is justified. It’s a rational decision towards life; and sitting here, trapped in the trove of outdated computers and sticky floors from exuberant teenagers and tricky hand trollops, well, that’s self-care. That’s letting myself have these feelings.  That’s being alone in the temporality of space that begins with a ticket for internet time, and ends with a clerk tapping me on the shoulder to go the fuck home, ‘We’re closed’.

As Eekkoo puts its #hellisotherpeople (even yourself)–except when no glance they throw you is going to be thoughtful, no tap on that keyboard is ever going to be redirected to you. The jury is always tempestuous for me on Mau5 related projects, but I’m liking how some of the mau5trap records are making me feel. They’re smart as fuck. Check out and follow Eekkoo on Facebook; and, of course, Sailor and I one of our favorite musicians at the Sights and Sounds.

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